The drill. “I hate you, but I want to fuck you, and oh by the way—I love you more than anything.” Ok this may describe your last relationship but it’s also how I feel about something far more dangerous — my cancer sticks.
The deeply in love know this. You try to leave and then you say, “fuck it.” And before you know it, that one last toxic kiss (puff) turns into another night, month — year. 
For me, we were always wrapped in my vulnerability. When that meeting at work didn’t go quite right, or that certain person just weren’t saying the right things I needed to hear then. There you were, so close that I’d breath you in, our sort of intercourse.
Of course the high you bought didn’t last nearly long enough, and over the course of our realtionship you’d take away far more from me than you ever gave. Before long, I’d go back to yelling out loud, “I wish we’d never met,” which would usually be followed up with me unwrapping you and enveloping you with my lips, the affair rekindled, our sort of embrace.
What the deeply in love sometimes never truly know, is that — some affairs aren’t good for the heart, but are inevitable all the same.
Rocka is the founder and publisher of Rocka.Candy, his words (and sometimes image) have appeared in Go, Gotham, Upscale, Spin, Vibe, The New York Press, Men’s Fitness and Mugshot magazines.
Tags: New York City, Rocka's Candy, Smoking
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